by Ken Janke

There are two kinds of battles we face in life: internal and external. On the surface, we see the external battles playing out around us—conflicts with others, challenging circumstances, health issues, and more. As James says, there is another battle that is unseen. “What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?”¹ The internal battles that rage in our thoughts, emotions, and motivations can be just as real and impactful as any outward struggle. Yet we are frequently unaware of their existence or influence. Gaining understanding of our internal world is key to overcoming both inner and outer challenges.

These two kinds of battles—external conflicts with outside forces, and internal struggles within our own minds and hearts—drive our behavior. The book of Romans instructs, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”² On the surface, the external fights seem straightforward. We can see challenges, such as health issues, difficult relationships, financial problems, and more playing out before us. But what many people don’t realize is that there is an entire other battlefield happening beneath that outer commotion—the internal fight within our thoughts, emotions, and desires. Our internal experiences can drive our external behaviors just as much, if not more, than any outside influence.

I was raised in a chaotic home that was often filled with anger and violence. My dad ruled with unpredictable rage and took out that emotion on my older brothers and mom. I learned that a father was someone you couldn’t trust, count on, or look to for advice or support. I was asked to respect him when I didn’t have the relationship with him in which respect was built or earned. I loved my dad, but to accommodate the struggles he had, my definition of love was warped, was surrounded by fear, and was transactional.

Fast forward to my mid-30s. I was a successful pastor at a large church. I had a thriving ministry, worked with a vibrant team of leaders, and was discipling and training hundreds. I had done extensive study on leadership and motivation, and I had taken an inward glance on how my past affected the way I related to others. What I didn’t realize, however, was that this inward glance had just scratched the surface on the wounding of my soul. I related to God as a slave, doing everything I felt that He was directing me to do without the benefit of relationship. Because of the warped way I had learned what a father was, I didn’t lean on Him for guidance or support. 

I had a naturally strong stamina for things of God and the work of ministry, but I was realizing that my energy reserves were being drained. I was tired of working as a hired hand and that showed in the slave mentality in which I worked and the way I drove people around me, often using them for their gifts instead caring for their souls. I was able to put into words what I was feeling about the church I was working for: I was the ghost in the machine. It was my job to make sure that excellent Sunday services were pulled off, that people felt seen and valued (so that they would return Sunday after Sunday), and that enough was given in the offering that we were able to repeat the process the next Sunday. 

It was during this season that a dear friend’s prophetic mom wrote a letter to me about a dream she had that was a vivid prophecy for me. There were several things that confirmed the truth of its words, but the last thing she wrote in her letter to me that capped off the prophecy was that God was going to give me a new name. I was signed up for a silent retreat over the weekend that I attended with hesitancy and fear—because I didn’t know how to sit quietly. After settling down into silence with the Lord, I asked Him about what my new name would be. I heard Him clearly speak, but what He said surprised me. Instead of giving me a new moniker, He said, “Your new name is son.” 

I didn’t have time to question it before receiving an instant download from the Lord. I revisited my past and the pain that had grafted itself onto my soul. I had flashes of memories of how I had parented my kids out of bad examples and trauma. I saw myself working within the church out of a slave mentality instead of being a son. Within moments, I found myself apologizing for all the ways I had ministered in His name but through my own efforts. I pressed in to have Him teach me what it meant to be a son. How did a son show up at church? How did a son worship? How did a son work with people? How could I be a dad if I had never been a son? I realized in an instant that my external behaviors were completely directed by my internal wounding. 

Gaining insight into our internal landscape is key to overcoming life’s challenges, both outer and inner. By better understanding our core motivations and thought patterns, we can make changes necessary to find peace and fulfillment internally which will affect our external relationships.

The first step is recognizing that these internal battles are taking place. We all experience conflicting desires, doubts, worries, and temptations. Our minds are cluttered with thoughts and passions that compete for priority. Left unchecked, these inner struggles spill out into our behaviors and relationships, resulting in fights and quarrels. Without awareness of our inner landscape and the motivations driving our actions, we cannot gain mastery over them. We remain at their mercy as they stir up conflict. Often, we don’t know why we are experiencing conflict. 

James tells us that the sources of these internal battles are our unmet desires. Within each of us lies a complex network of cravings, some basic, like hunger and rest, others more complex relating to acceptance, meaning, security, and more. When desires are not properly understood or satisfied in a godly manner, they metastasize into internal turmoil. We grapple internally without realizing that at the root are fundamental longings gone astray. Until we uncover the true nature and causes of our innermost yearnings, we will continue fighting shadows.

Beyond physical needs, James acknowledges deeper longings for acceptance, security and meaning. Our desire for these things, if not met in a godly way, can lead us astray. We may try to fill spiritual voids externally through materialism, risky behaviors, or unstable relationships rather than finding fulfillment in our relationship with God. When life’s difficulties arise, unmet internal cravings may cause us to doubt God or turn to other things for comfort.

In the end, James reminds us that every good and perfect gift comes from God. Rather than allowing cravings to control and condemn us, we must submit them to God’s will. By seeking His Kingdom and righteousness first, our real inner needs of purpose, belonging, and worth can be met through our relationship with Him.

Part of recognizing our internal battles involves questioning our motives. Why do we say or do the things we do? What psychological and emotional needs are we attempting to meet? Being willing to ask tough questions about our motivations is key, but this remains difficult if we haven’t uncovered our internal sources of resistance. Our pride wants to see our actions in the most positive light possible, which contrasts with honest reflection. Examining intentions requires humility, something in short supply in our daily lives; however, without understanding motivation, we remain double-minded, unaware of competing drives pulling us in different directions.

Truly examining our inner motives and how the pain of our past influences us, but it pays off in deeper spiritual growth and healthier relationships. James tells us to be quick to listen and slow to anger, recognizing our potential to react in fleshly ways.³ Taking time for self-reflection using biblical principles can help uncover motives that may not be obvious. 

James prescribes spiritual practices and disciplines as the antidote needed to gain mastery over our internal world. First, we must intensely guard our friendship with God through consistent prayer, Bible reading, and other devotional habits. Daily connecting with our Creator is vital to orienting ourselves on the right path. Recognizing our need for God’s guidance in all things breeds humility as we shed overconfidence in ourselves. Next, allowing the Holy Spirit access to our inner depths requires vulnerability, an open hand, and an open-heart posture. We invite the Spirit to shine light on hidden places and purify our intentions.

Practicing humility through acknowledging weaknesses and failures, not just strengths, goes hand in hand with granting the Spirit influence. This humility releases God’s grace to empower change from within. Submitting fully to God’s lordship means consciously choosing to conform our thoughts and actions to His ways through our active denial of selfish impulses. Finally, taking a firm stand against Satan’s schemes to breed internal conflict through accusation, condemnation, or temptation strengthens our ability to overcome compulsive behaviors and resolve inner divisions.

These inward-focused spiritual disciplines help build a single-minded identity aligned with Christ. No longer wavering between competing identities defined by external factors like popularity or performance, we establish an unshakeable anchor in God through intimate relationship. This frees us from angling our lives to please people or attain hollow goals instead of living cooperatively with divine purpose. With inner clarity established, external conflicts lose their power to destabilize as they no longer activate internal battles. Our identity rests securely in God alone.

While making progress requires commitment to practices, transforming motivations happens gradually, over time, through perseverance. Even disciplines like prayer become a journey rather than a destination as deeper layers of our inner lives are uncovered cooperatively between us and the Spirit. Competing desires may resurface as life brings new challenges, humbling us to continued reliance on grace. But through the fellowship of disciplined Christ-followers mutually encouraging growth, victory over internal weaknesses can be realized.

Overall, James’ exhortation to recognize and remedy our inner conflicts applies to all seasons of life. Whether in times of outward calm or turmoil, the wisdom to address internal struggles remains as important as ever. May we heed God’s invitation to cooperative self-exploration leading to wholeness, empowered to then stand strong through all opposition from without as well as within. With God’s help, our inner world needs no longer to be hidden or a source of imbalance, as we find completion through aligned desire, thought, and action pointing constantly to Him. And what I experienced as I transformed from a servant to a son—thanks to God revealing an important aspect of my inner life—was a revitalized relationship with my family, with His Body, and with Him.

You might want to consider how a spiritual director could serve as a trusted guide on your faith journey. If you’re interested in exploring what that could look like, we’d love to have a conversation with you. Feel free to reach out, and we’ll follow up with you. You can contact us here: Soul of the Shepherd.

1.  James 4:1–2 ↩︎
2.  Romans 12:2 ↩︎
3.  See James 1:19 ↩︎