by Mark Werner

A thunderstorm is moving in from the southwest as I sit quietly and alone on my back porch. Clouds that are thick with rain make the day feel darker than it usually is at this time. I am sitting still; the openness of my heart is toward prayer; as the rain moves in, cracks of thunder begin to fill the air.  

I quietly repeat to myself, “The Lord is my shepherd I shall not want; I say it slowly and softly again: “The Lord is my shepherd I shall not want.”

Each time I repeat the phrase, I find myself, almost at random, focusing on one word more than the others.

Stopping and gazing upon these different words, I feel connected—alive. Sometimes, in my prayerful posture, I drift to some other keywords within the Psalm I know from memory: “He leads me beside still waters…, He restores my soul…, though I walk through the valley, I will not be afraid. He comforts me…I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”

Then, from out of nowhere, or maybe from the All that is everywhere, I am struck by this new thought: “Before there is any “thing”, and before I can say, or name, or describe, or recite from memory, feel, or even ask something from God to do for me, I am held captive and raptured within the words: “The Lord is!”

The Lord is my SHEPHERD. Images of a watchful, caring presence flood my mind, of being wonderfully tended and lovingly gazed upon.

The Lord is my Shepherd, and I shall not WANT– how I have known want, desire, and longing throughout my 63 years of life, sometimes wonderful, sometimes confusing and terrifying.

The Lord is MY Shepherd – how I love the richness and intimacy of belonging and connection, of being possessed by and in possession of, and not ever really knowing what the difference is.

The Lord is my Shepherd I – I am, I exist, I am here now, I know the beauty of being I!

 

It is the North Star upon which everything that can be known, and how what is known, is known most fully. “The Lord is” captures me because it is the first thing, before anything else, I must say in faith yes to. Faith is the spiritual prompt and the one necessity before anything else, before any theological framework begins to override, take over, and filter what will come next. How easy it is to forget this when I am consumed by trying harder to master a subject or to persuade or change someone’s mind. Faith is necessary before any fact can be known, defended, argued, categorized, and taught to others. Faith that “The Lord is” becomes first in what will be a long line of faith responses I will need to return to again and again when life around me grows increasingly challenging and complex. “The Lord is” strikes at what is deepest in me and beckons from me a response of trust and believing – an internal movement, a partnership, and a dance with faith and what is of God.

Faith, though, is not the same thing as certainty. Certainty and the pursuit of certainty have often tried to subtly pass themselves off as the true expression of my spiritual life. The pretense of certainty, believes it alone can carry us to great heights of knowing God, but certainty only seeks expertise; it aims to be correct. Certainty has difficulty with letting go and surrendering.  Faith is much different. It seeks and knows only to trust what IS, even when trusting what IS seems mysterious and not clear.

Faith seeks God because it is sourced from what God is. Certainty, in the end, asks and has no real need for faith from me at all; it prefers debate, critical thinking, and, in the end, being right. Faith, I understand differently from this; it is the fruit, not of my critical analysis, but the fruit of the Spirit.  It is from our Creator and connects me; it orients me relationally and intimately to my Source. Faith is the deepest part of me crying out and learning to rest in the deepest part of God. The Apostle Peter tells me that faith is more precious and valuable than anything else- even gold.

As I continue to sit quietly on my back porch, the late afternoon thunderstorms continue well into the evening. The pattering of rain simmers on, occasionally giving way to a streak of lightning and a roll of thunder. As I sit quietly listening to what is going on around me and in me, I am reminded of the words of a 14th-century spiritual writer named Julian of Norwich (1348 AD); she writes at a time of great uncertainties- when both plague and war challenge the normalcy of life, and fear grips many. She writes from a place of receiving from God: 

“All shall be well, all shall be well, all manner of things shall be well.”

Her strong, comforting declarations come to me today, much like the words within Psalm 23, not from a place of wishful thinking or any “olly olly oxenfree” thinking but instead from a place of deep faith, trusting and knowing personally and intimately: “The Lord IS”!   

I face the day not in despair or fear but because I do know the One who is the Beginning and the End, the First and the Last, the One in whom all things are held together and declares, I Am that I Am. (IS) – this is first and what matters most.

Perhaps you’d like to consider how a spiritual director might be a trusted guide who could accompany you on your journey of faith. If you’d like to have a conversation with us to explore what this might look like, please contact us and we will follow up with you. Contact us here: Soul of the Shepherd.